Age: 15

Gender: Male

Primary Objective: Revive the glory of communist Mother Russia.

Secondary Objective: Evade capture by the evil capitalist Zookeeper.

Likes: Communism, fish, affirmative action, little red stars.

Dislikes: Capitalism, zoos, catnip, polar bears.

Description:

Lived in a zoo in Russia during the fall of the communist regime. During the chaos, escaped the clutches of the evil capitalist Zookeeper, and began wandering the world to escape him. Eventually managed to become RA of the second floor of Goiter Hall at Generic U. thanks to an affirmative action program.